


he's fiercest in my dreams

by cuddlyobrien



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, How Do I Tag, I Tried, LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of it, M/M, and laughing, and lots ofsmiling, but also lots of crying, but its dream, idk man, its a whole thing, steve and bucky sort of have a kid, there are kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 17:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13392981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlyobrien/pseuds/cuddlyobrien
Summary: 5 times Steve dreams about Bucky + 1 times he's really thereI truly have no idea what the hell this is.





	he's fiercest in my dreams

The first time it happens, he's alone with Sam. Some comedy show about cops in Brooklyn is placing on low volume, making Sam laugh every now and then. He knows he's going to fall asleep and tries to fight it in order to see how the episode ends. But he loses the fight to the bone wearing exhaustion. 

He's in Bucky's old apartment, the one with the leaky faucet and creaky doors. It smells like apple pie and Steve wonders where they got the money to afford those kind of ingredients. Bucky's in the kitchen, singing along to a song that Steve recognizes from the pop station in Clint's car. He unfolds himself off the couch and throws Bucky's favorite quilt in a pile on the couch cushion. He walks into the kitchen and Bucky's shirtless, hips moving to a girl singing about having new rules. 

"Stevie!" Bucky exclaims, grabbing Steve by the hips and smacking a wet kiss to his lips.

"Hey Buck. You makin' apple pie?" Steve questions, blinking against the sleep in his eyes. 

Bucky nods. "'Course, it's Sunday." 

"Where'd you get the money?" At Bucky's confused look, he presses on. "You didn't steal the ingredients, did you?" 

"What? No!" Bucky's tone is defensive. He moves back from Steve and frowns. "I used your debit card." 

"My debit card?" 

"Yeah. From your wallet." Bucky says slowly. "Are you okay?" 

It's then that Steve notices the metal arm that Bucky's sporting. "You came out of cryo?”

"What are you talking about? I never went into cryo." Bucky's face is a look of concern as he reaches out to hold Steve's shaking hands. "I think maybe we should go see Tony." 

"Tony? You and Tony talk?" Steve asks, his mind a jumble of confusion. 

"Steve wha-" Bucky cuts off, shaking his head and blows out a breath. "He was in our wedding, babe." 

“We're married?”

Bucky’s face falls. "Are you fucking with me, Steven Rogers?”

"Bucky, I don't- What?”

"Stop messing around, please. You're going to distract me and the apple pie will burn.”

Steve jerks awake, sitting up with a gasp. Sam sits up a little in the recliner. “Bad dream?”

Steve shakes his head. “Not bad. Just weird.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Steve shakes his head. Bucky’s name is still on his lips and he can still smell his aftershave mingling with apple pie.

~

It’s movie night. Only everyone but Tony, Pepper, Clint and Natasha have obligations. Steve claims the love seat, curling under a heavy comforter. Clint chooses the movie so they end up watching 50 First Dates. (Not that Steve’s complaining.) Steve falls asleep about twenty minutes in. 

He’s in bed, someone warm and heavy wrapped around him. He sees the metal arm slung around his waist and his heart does a weird flop. He turns, making Bucky blink awake. “Bucky.”

“Morning doll.” Bucky mumbles, voice low and gravelly from sleeping. Steve must stare at him for too long because he smiles and asks, “What?”

“I’m not sure if you’re real.” Steve whispers.

Bucky laughs softly, moving so he’s hovering over Steve. “I’m very real, baby.” 

Steve sighs as Bucky soothes Steve’s right eyebrow with his thumb. “You promise?”

Bucky’s eyes go soft and Steve’s throat tightens at the love and adoration in them. “Have I ever lied to you about something like this before?”

Steve smells Bucky’s morning breath and pushes him off with a laugh. “Your breath reeks.”

Suddenly Bucky is laughing and pinning him down, pressing kisses all over Steve’s face. Steve’s laughing so hard his sides hurt as he tries to push Bucky away.

He sits up with a gasp, tears streaming down his face. Tony pauses the movie and Natasha hisses, “I told you watching a love story about someone with memory loss was a bad idea!”

“He wasn’t even watching, he was sleeping!” Clint defends himself.

“It wasn’t the movie.” Clint sends him a small smile.

“Bad dream?” Pepper questions, her face filled with worry.

“Good dream.” Steve clarifies.

“Then why the water works?” Tony asks.

“Because I woke up.” Steve tells them as he stands and walks to his room. Bucky’s laugh is still ringing in his ears.

~

Steve stumbles into his bedroom, exhausted from his flight back from Seattle where they’d taken down three Hydra cells. He throws his duffle bag to the side and kicks his shoes off. He doesn’t even have the energy to change out of his jeans before crawling into bed. He’s asleep before his head hits the pillow. 

He blinks against the blinding sun and groans. He hears Bucky’s laugh beside him. “I told you to put sunglasses on.”

“Where are we going?” Steve asks, sitting up and reaching for the sunless in the dash. 

“You don’t remember?” Bucky asks, voice conveying the hurt. 

“Uh, no. Sorry.” Steve answers quietly, looking out the car window. 

Bucky shifts in his seat. “To Maine. Clint and ‘Tash are in the car behind us.”

“Maine? For what?” 

“Just a little vacation.” Bucky promises him but Steve doesn’t believe the sly grin he’s sporting for a minute.

“Buck…” Steve warns.

Bucky laughs loudly. “Can you just be happy with not knowing for once?”

“You know I hate surprises.” 

“I know.” Bucky says, voice soft. “But this is a good thing. Can you trust me?”

“I always trust you.”

Bucky smiles and turns the radio up. He starts singing loudly and obnoxiously to the ex boy band member’s song about slow hands. 

Steve wakes up in a cold sweat and an empty bed. He hugs a pillow to his chest to try and make the hole there smaller. He squeezes his eyes shut, pushes down a sob and tries to capture Bucky’s singing again.

~

Steve doesn’t remember falling asleep but, he must be dreaming Bucky is playing beer pong with Thor in Sam’s backyard. There’s twinkly lights hanging up everywhere and he’s standing on the porch, a bowl of pasta salad in his hands. He’s looking around the yard, confusion written all over his face. 

Bucky does a double take and has Bruce fill in for him, crossing the yard to Steve. “You okay?”

“Why are we at Sam’s?” 

Bucky’s face falls as he leads Steve inside. “Natasha and Clint’s engagement party.”

Steve follows Bucky to the guest bedroom and sits with him at the end of the bed. “I’m sorry I can’t remember anything.”

“Is this about you not knowing if I’m real?” Bucky asks, looking at his hands. 

“Kind of. Yeah.” Steve answers. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m just worried, Stevie. You’re forgetting things all the time. Maybe somethings wrong. I mean, you refuse to see a doctor but then you forget things so easily.” Bucky tells him. 

Steve takes a deep breath, considering Bucky’s words. “You know what? I don’t care if this isn’t real.”

Steve climbs over into Bucky’s lap and brings him in for a searing kiss. Bucky’s hands are all over him as he lays Steve on the bed. Bucky smiles and mumbles in the kiss, “‘Tash is gonna kill us for skipping out on her party.”

Steve’s laugh turns into a gasp as Bucky kisses down his throat. “Tash? What about how Sam is going to feel when he finds out we were canoodling in his bed?”

Bucky laughs hard, tangling his fingers in Steve’s hair. Right before he kisses Steve again he says, “Canoodling.” 

Steve wakes up slowly, still feeling Bucky’s hands in his hair as his vision clears to see a hospital room. Before he knows it, he’s letting out a pathetic little sob as he remembers he’d been shot while taking down another Hydra cell. 

“Hey.” Natasha says, moving from the chair to the side of his bed. “Are you in pain? I can get the nurses to give you some extra morphine.”

Steve shakes his head, morphine won’t help the hurt encompassing his heart. “I just want these dreams to stop.”

“What dreams, Steve?” Natasha crosses her arms and shifts her weight. Steve knows he’s surprising her, he’s never broken down like he’s doing right now. 

“It’s like I’m.. in another world. Bucky and I are happy, married. And he keeps insisting that he’s real. But I always wake up alone.”

Natasha sighs and purses her lips. “We can always wake him up.”

“No.” Steve says sternly, wiping his face. “He doesn’t want that.”

“He doesn’t want you hurting either.” 

Steve shakes his head and turns his face so Natasha won’t see him crying again. 

~

Steve comes to the Stark Tower straight from the airport. He’d spent five days doing nothing but press for a new book he’d help some scholar write about WW2. The whole team is on his floor, no doubt trying to make him happy. Natasha had told them about the dreams and since then, they hadn’t left him alone for more than a few minutes. Steve sits beside Sam and lets his head rest on his friend’s shoulder. He’s asleep in seconds. 

He’s sleeping awkwardly on the couch and when he wakes up to someone knocking on the door, he’s got a crick in his neck. He stretches, trying to ease the pain in his neck when he sees Bucky emerging from the bathroom. When Bucky answers the door, he’s calling Steve’s name.

He moves quickly and sees a woman holding a little girl who can’t be more than two. “Hey Buck, who’s-“

“She’s ours. Officially.” Bucky blurts out, anxiety filling his face as he looks between Steve and the social worker.

“Ours?” Steve asks in confusion. Bucky sends the social worker a fake smile before thanking her and saying goodbye.

Once the door is shut, Bucky faces him with a sad look on his face. “You don’t remember Emma?”

Steve studies Bucky’s hurt faec before he shoots a wide smile at the both of them. “Of course I remember our little girl. She’s really ours?”

Bucky seems to believe Steve’s lie because he grins and kisses Steve quickly. “She’s really ours.”

Emma looks between the two of them before squealing loudly. She points at Steve and proclaims, “Da!”

“Yeah, Emma, that’s Da!” Bucky says, bouncing her. “And do you remember who I am?”

Emma’s lips move, face set in concentration. “Pops!”

Bucky laughs and covers Emma’s face in kisses as she squeals loudly.

Steve’s tore from the dream by Pepper and Thor screaming at the tv. He lets out a frustrated groan and stands to his fate. Clint watches him carefully. “You good, Cap?”

“Fine. Just need some water.” Steve assures him. He walks into the kitchen and grabs a glass. He sets it down on the counter and sighs heavily. He leans his arms on the counter as he remember every detail about Emma’s face. He grabs the glass and smashes it against the wall, hot and angry tears streaming down his face. 

He hears the tv pause and Sam’s in the kitchen attempting to calm him. He hears Natasha telling Thor and Tony, “He said to wake him up if Steve got bad. Call T’Challa. Now.”

~  
Steve avoids sleep for three days. He doesn’t want see Bucky and Emma and a life that isn’t really his. But he’s so tired and coffee isn’t doing anything for him anymore. So when Tony demands a game night, it’s no surprise that he slumps over during monopoly. 

Steve blinks awake and he’s curled into somebody’s side. When he sees the metal arm wrapped around his waist, he breathes heavily through his nose. He closes his eyes again in an attempt to escape the dream. 

“Cap, we know you’re awake. C’mon, we’re starting scrabble. You love this game.” Tony tells him. 

“I don’t want to be here.” Steve tells the group stubbornly. 

“Steve.” Bucky says in a low voice, breath tickling Steve’s ear. 

Steve swallows the lump in his throat. “Stop.”

“This is real.” Bucky insists. 

“It’s not!” Steve rips his body away from Bucky. He leans forward, head in his hands. His eyes are still squeezed tightly shut so he won’t have to see Bucky. 

“Can we have the room?” Bucky addresses the room and Steve hears people moving. They must all be gone because Bucky leans up beside him, moving one of Steve’s arms into his lap. “Look at me.”

“I don’t want to.” Steve’s stomach hurts from the near panic attack he’s having. “You’ll make me happy and then you’ll be gone again when I wake up.”

“Fine. Then listen to me, punk.” Bucky’s voice has a trace of a smile in it. His voice is serious when he speaks again. “I know you’re having dreams about me. And that when you wake up, and find out they’re not real, you’re hurting.”

“You’re assuming that.” 

“Okay wise guy. I also know that your last one made you so upset you broke a glass and haven’t slept in three days.” Bucky says, making Steve’s mind a boggle of confusion. “And I know that Tony called T’Challa and had me flown over here.”

“You were flown over?”

“From Wakanda. Where I was in cryo.” Bucky answers. “Now will you please look at me?”

Steve takes a deep breath and open his eyes. When he turns and sees Bucky’s long hair and stubble, he takes a rasping breath. “You’re real.”

“I’m real.” Bucky confirms, smiling widely.

“I told them not to wake you.” Steve’s voice is frantic, not wanting Bucky to be mad. “I know you didn’t want-“

“Steve.” Bucky cuts him, grinning. “As of last Wednesday, the last reported Hydra cell was eradicated. They wanted to be 100% before waking me but, they took the chance. Because they knew I’d rather you be okay than us be a little unsure about Hydra.”

“You’re staying?” Steve’s holding his breath.

“I’m home.” 

“Your home is in Brooklyn.” 

“My home is with you, Stevie. Doesn’t matter if that’s in Africa, Antartica, hell the North Pole. If you’re there, I’m home,” 

Steve kisses him for a long time after that. (Reality is much better than what he’d been dreaming.)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this is in one day, so all mistakes are mine !


End file.
